Monday, March 22, 2010

He's like my brother...

I might as well get to the point: last tuesday, I had a guy tell me that he likes me as more than a friend. This is the first time in my life that this has happened!
readers, I am really REALLY confused. I have no idea what to do!
here's the deets:

I met Evan (name changed) about 6 months ago, at a Bible study. This study is about 2-3 times a month, and it's at our mutual friend's house. (It really is a great study, by the way... I'm learning alot ^_^). Evan is tall, blonde, quirky, and 18 years old. I am 16.

So, after I had been going to the study for a couple months, Evan and I became friends on Facebook, and started chatting/messaging each other. It's not like we talked any more frequently than I do with most of my other guy-friends, but still, we talked enough to get to know each other better.

Then he told me that there was a swing dancing class at his church once a week, and that it was really fun. Another friend of ours, Jessica (name changed) is into swing dancing, too, so I finally decided to go the the class one day a couple months ago (it's free) with Jessica and her boyfriend. I didn't know anyone else at the class, so naturally, I danced with Evan. Since then, I have been going to this class weekly.

Then, my chuch held a benefit concert to raise awareness for human trafficking, so I sent out invites to all of my friends on facebook. Evan was the only one that came. I didn't think anything of the fact that he hung out with me the whole time, even though Jessica was there, too, because Jessica was working the snack table. And when he stayed around after the event was over to help me and a couple other folks clean up aferwards, I just thought to myself "what a great friend he is".

Then, I started taking classes at a local junior college. Turns out, he has classes there on the same days as I do, and at the same times. Different classes, but we have the same break between our respective classes. So, in between my first class and my second class, I go to the library and study, then I walk over to the music department and practice my piano. There are two hallways with small rooms on either side of them, and each room is just big enough for a piano to fit in it. So I have about an hour and a half to kill before my next class starts, and I play the piano, because that's what I love to do.

So, about a week and a half into the spring semester, Evan asks me what my class schedule is, so he can see if there's time for him to pop over and say hi in between classes.
And so, over the last three months, we have been hanging out, playing the piano for 45 minutes together twice a week, going swing dancing together once a week, and going to the same Bible study 2-3 times a month.

To me, he was just a friend. nothing more, nothing less.
I mean come on, people, he's two years older than me!

But then, on Tuesday, he offered to buy me a Starbucks, because he said he had something he wanted to talk with me about. I didn't even suspect what it ended up being, so I said yes, of course, etc.

So we were walking to the Starbucks on campus, and he told me, right then and there that he liked me as more than just a friend.
I stood there in a state of shock. When I finally collected my thoughts, I asked him "Why?"

He told me that he really liked spending time with me, and he valued our friendship, but latley, he realized that he cared for me in a different way, as well.

And now, I don't know what to do... I really truly do value his friendship, too, and I like hanging out with him, but I'm not sure if I should continue seeing him for exteneded lengths of time.. alone... if I don't feel the same way. I would feel terrible if I was leading him on to think that maybe I felt the same way.
Beacuse I dont.
But I want to.
But I dont.
And there's no way to make myself feel that way.
I love him as a brother, and nothing more. I am just astounded that anyone could ever consider me as anything more than simply a friend...

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